Questions to Ask on the First Date

It’s no secret that first dates can feel one of two ways: depleting or exciting. And if we all know we don't want to feel depleted by anything in our lives, then how can we make first dates more exciting, engaging, and rejuvenating?

It’s already vulnerable enough to exchange contact information, agree to a date, and expose your authentic self with hopes of not being rejected. So if we are going to muster up all this courage, we may as well enjoy the process. So where do we start?

1. Genuinely want to get to know your date. Leave your expectations at the door. Don’t go into the date in hopes that this may be your future wife or husband. Go in with the intention of getting to know somebody. Step out of your world and into someone’s else’s psychology.

2. Be authentic. You didn’t get ready, book the spot, and make time in your life to sit with your date and have a fake conversation. Own all of your awesomeness, be courageous, and take this as an opportunity for true self-expression.

3. Ask the right questions. How can you maximize this time and get to really know the essence of the person sitting across from you? We are all tired of asking, "What do you do for work? What do you do for fun? Are you close to your family?"

Here are some fresh alternatives:

I hope these questions create more fruitful conversations that open the door to intimacy and connection. Sometimes, dating can bring up a lot of our “stuff.” In those situations, I invite you to turn to a trusted friend, clergy, nature or a professional to get the help and answers we need to be the best partner and person we can be. Whether it’s learning how to be more vulnerable, set boundaries, or simply let go of the past- counseling can help.

Nicole Nowparvar is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Life Coach. She specializes in helping 1st and 2nd generation young adults balance old traditions with modern identity, turn challenges into opportunities, & understand their past so they can reach their goals. She provides individual, family, and group counseling.