Conversation Map: How to Receive Criticism
What’s harder than giving criticism? Receiving it!
Do you ever feel embarrassed about how you handled the advice a friend, parent, spouse or boss gave you about “areas of improvement." Do you end up pushing the other person away, even if they have a point, leading you both to feel isolated and helpless?
Do you tend to get defensive by making the problem all about how they approached you rather than really tapping into what they are saying?
If you’re not trying to work on always being a better version of yourself, then this article is not for you.
And just for the record, not all criticism needs to be received or given a piece of your attention. Especially if it is meant to be abusive, demeaning, or hurtful.
This article is for those of us who want to be the best version of ourselves
AND who feel that the constructive criticism we receive has validity.
So what’s one to do?
Try these 5 steps the next time you find yourself in a dialogue with another about how you can improve yourself and your quality of life:
STEP 1: PAUSE.
Take a deep breath before responding. This will help you from saying something you might regret later.
STEP 2: REPEAT BACK THE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM OUT LOUD.
Make sure you heard the advice correctly to avoid talking past one another.
STEP 3: ASK FOR EVIDENCE THAT SUPPORTS THEIR CLAIM.
Ask for some examples of the problem behavior and how it could have been avoided.
STEP 4: ASK YOURSELF IF IT RESONATES.
Is what the other person saying true? If no, then clarify your intention. If yes, then move to step 5.
STEP 5: ASK YOURSELF IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO WORK ON.
Do you value improving your life in this way?
STEP 6: SET A GOAL FOR YOURSELF ABOUT HOW TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOR.
Set an attainable and measurable goal.
Sounds simple right?
I know, simple ain't always EASY!
Whether it's about taking out the trash more often, smiling when greeting others, holding accountability for your mistakes, or managing anxious emotions, you CAN do it. It's just a matter of how badly you want it!
Sometimes, the advice doesn't resonate but your relationship hinges on something needing to change. In those cases, it may benefit you to seek support and speak to a counselor.
If you need additional support, feel free to call or text me for a free 15 minute consult!
Nicole Nowparvar is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Life Coach. Her private practice is located in Beverly Hills. She works with teenagers and young adults as they move through challenges in their life and uncover their greatest potential. If her style resonates with you, feel free to contact her.